Tonight, as the sadness is taking over my emotions I wanted to write down my feelings and when I came here to write them down, I realized I already had in my last post. I'm tired of feeling this way and I want to heal, get over it and move on. When I see my children being taken in a direction I don't like or want, I feel helpless and angry. But when I talk to them later and realize they are fine and not sad, hurt or upset why can't I be happy for them. I want my children to be happy; their happiness is my main concern. So what if I don't like who they are with when they are not with me. If they have a good time and aren't upset what should it truly matter what I think or want? In the grand scheme of things, in the long run these moments of worry, concern and anger will not matter as long as my kids are happy and healthy.
I want to be happy too so I can show them that life is hard but you can rise above loss, heartache, pain, betrayal and adversity to live your best and be joyous in the lives we create for ourselves. I know I will be some day but at times the bad feelings seem like they are the only ones surviving.
Now is one of those times.